I find myself feeling unprepared.
This feeling, I am familiar with.
This scenario, I am not.
I have known that I am in a birthing season, but did not realize how prophetically full-circle that would become as I saw the two pink lines appear.
I walked around the house for 30 minutes, shocked, excited, bewildered, saying “I am pregnant. I am pregnant!”
But this journey of pregnancy, and the deep surrender it requires, began before the moment of conception.
Many times in my journey with Jesus, he has uncovered and revealed hard places I did not know needed tending to.
And then other times, I can feel the stick in the mud, so to speak, in certain areas of my life.
I can see the red flags go up or feel the sting of lies that have woven themselves into the fabric of my heart when I come up against certain scenarios or changes in my life.
In essence, I can feel the reality that there is a rocky bluff where God wants me to access a wide-open road.
Marriage was one of those topics for me. I wrote about that here.
God had to work me through it and redeem my ideas around it.
Having children has been another sharp-edged piece of rock that I had not fully assessed until the past year or so.
I had so many lies wrapped around my ideas of what it would look like to carry a child, to be a mother, to surrender myself in such a new and vulnerable way.
God has unraveled and dismantled the voice of culture, the deception of the enemy, and the fears of my own heart as I’ve carried this child the past 6 months.
I look forward to writing more about that soon.
But this piece is not as much about being physically pregnant, as it is about the growing pains of birth in the spirit.
That, I am familiar with, God reminded me.
That, it feels, I am forever laboring in, as a child of God who is earthside and on a trajectory towards a life outside of this natural dimension as we know it, and into my eternal home.
At first it was unclear what this piece of writing would be, but one morning, after a fiery session of prayer and breakthrough, it came to me: this piece is about the anchor of the spirit in the midst of feeling unprepared to birth something.
There are three keys that are vital to spiritual delivery:
Identity
Authority
Faith
Each of these stand on Jesus the rock, and Him alone.
Outside of that, everything that can be shaken, will.
Everything you think you know, will become up-ended (including oftentimes where you think you’re headed)
But these three things will always anchor you through, and these are what God has had to develop in me to sustain the pain of the process as I labor towards the promise of birth.
If you are in a season of preparation- this is for you.
Preparation for what- you may not know- but you feel the pain of the process, the rough edge of healing, the call to courage.
You are experiencing the birthing pains.
I have mentored a lot of women who have struggled with insecurity.
They often marvel at those who seem to embody confidence and boldness in their daily life.
It feels aloof and foreign to them.
Maybe that’s you.
You see someone who shows up in the fullness of who they are, making decisions in confidence and speaking truth with boldness, and you wonder what makes them so different.
A mistake we can easily make when we witness these traits in someone else, is to believe that it comes down to a personality type.
Boldness is not a personality type.
Confidence is not a personality type.
Courage is not a personality type.
The true form of each of these all stem from one thing, and one alone: knowing your identity in Christ.
I’m not talking about those in the world who have prideful confidence in self or ego that parades as a bold demeanor.
We call those counterfeits.
The more discerning you become, the more easily you can spot the fake and fluff from the authentic.
For instance: confidence that comes from pride reeks of self-sufficiency; confidence that comes from the King exudes humility.
Note: humility is not self-deprecation.
Humility is the recognition that you have been mercifully given more than you deserve, and you steward that with an awe of who gave it to you, rather than worshiping yourself because you now embody it.
It is important to understand that humility and confidence do not compete if the roots remain in the work of the cross.
Identity is truly a critical component of embodying the person God has made you to be, and living in the security of that day by day.
Many people mistakenly believe their identity can be placed in things such as their career, image, body type, achievements (looking at you doctors), relationship status (for the woman who thinks getting married will “complete her ''), or even labels such as depressed, anxious, or bi-polar.
And although you can certainly believe your identity lies within these two things, the truth is that your identity can truly only reside in one of two places- death or life.
Identity stems from what we are identified with.
The human condition would have you convinced that you get to choose what you identify with - but the reality is that only your Creator can determine that.
You were created by a God who does not look at the external appearance, but who looks at the heart.
God ultimately judges between wickedness and righteousness; death and life.
His identification of us is what matters, because He is the one we will face in judgment on the day we die.
We do not get to choose what is right, just, or true.
We do not get to determine what qualifies us as righteous or deserving of eternal life.
For the rebellious, this thought makes you kick and scream.
“WHY do I not get to choose what is right, just, or true?”
I used to think that way before I knew Jesus.
It was not until the veil was removed and I was able to see my utter wickedness, selfish self-preservation, and personal bent on self-destruction that I realized I did not actually want to be the judge of what is good, and right, and true.
I, under the curse of evil, could not be trusted.
God, on the other hand, the author of all that is faithful and true- the only one holy- is the only one who can be trusted in fullness.
There is no deceit within him.
Therefore, his identification of us reigns supreme.
And because he is holy, he cannot dwell with what is unholy.
Death cannot exist with the origin of life.
Wickedness cannot dwell with what is pure and righteous.
Hatred cannot commune with the firecest, truest form of love.
But a paradox remained- what would the Creator do with these humans who cursed themselves from the beginning by choosing what was wicked?
How could He dwell with them in their present state of sin and shame?
God so loved these humans that His heart was moved to create a plan of redemption for them - even when that redemption meant the ultimate sacrifice for Him.
That redemption meant he must sacrifice his beloved Son, Jesus, and release the weight of sin and wickedness upon his shoulders, so that we could live free from the curse.
The blood of Jesus marked us, washed us anew, so that we may be identified as holy, and in tandem, be able to dwell with God again.
How great a love this is.
Back to the curse though…
Our identity, or what we became identified with when we were born, is the curse of the flesh.
The flesh is destined to death, because it exists in evil or lawlessness.
It cannot submit to God, and it cannot live in righteousness outside of right relationship with Christ.
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:6-8
I love the word governed used in this translation, because it speaks of authority.
Governed means to conduct the policy, actions, and affairs of (whatever is in context).
Meaning that whatever governs your identity- whether that be your flesh or the Holy Spirit- that is what will influence and ultimately dictate your actions.
This is the scriptural truth, from the beginning of time: Every human being has been born under an identity that is governed by flesh or sin.
No matter what you try and identify with in your day to day life, the spiritual reality remains the same.
But a different identity, a new identity altogether, is offered to us through the sacrifice God made on our behalf.
Enter: Jesus Christ, the lamb of God, offered up for the sins of the world.
Jesus Christ died, once and for all, so that the curse could be broken and bring us to life again, through Him.
The death He died, he died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. Romans 6:10
This is where the new identity begins.
We die with Christ, say goodbye to our flesh nature, and put on the new person in Christ. We are now hidden in him, and because he is perfectly righteous, we have also been made righteous. His blood covers our iniquity, our lack, our imperfection before a holy God. In this identity, we can now dwell with the origin of life once again, as God intended from the beginning of our creation.
So how does knowing our identity in Christ relate to spiritual birthing?
When we understand where our ability, confidence, and power comes from - not us, but him - we are able to live, move, and have our being in complete confidence.
Simply put, when we know our identity resides in truth, rather than deception, we can live boldly and confidently from that truth.
I cannot put complete confidence within my own ability to move forward into what I feel unprepared for. My fears come forward, my sense of stability begins to fall apart, and my lack screams in my face.
This is why the cultural milieu of “believing in yourself” and “becoming your own Savior” breeds extreme pressure.
What happens when we cannot be all we need for ourselves?
Or when we cannot accomplish the hard things set in front of us?
We bend, we break, we lose our false sense of stability and confidence.
The pressure becomes a manifesto to “get it right” at the expense of our peace, our sanity, our own well-being.
When we recognize our identity in Christ, and live as if we truly believe that it is not by our might or our power that we can do anything, but only by his spirit- we can let go of pressure.
We then form a deeper trust in his ability rather than ours.
He is capable, even though I am not.
He is sufficient, even though I am not.
He is my safety, my refuge, my eternity.
He is my wisdom in the process.
He is everything I could never be for myself.
He works it all together for my good.
No matter what hardship I incur, path I must walk, role I must fill, or confusion I encounter- I know that if I trust in his ability to work it all together for my good, my peace and his promise will remain.
He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion. Philippians 1:6
Every promise he has made to us - that he will be with us and for us, that he will sustain us and refresh us, that he will give us insight and wisdom, that he will prepare the way for us and give us favor, that he will wage war for us, and so many more - they are all directly tied to our identity in Christ.
Our identity grants us the inheritance of his promises in us and through us.
In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. Ephesians 1:11-12
Whatever we are bringing to birth in the spirit- we must know and live in our identity so that we may conquer discouragement and defeat along the way.
When we understand identity, only then can we grasp a revelation of authority.
The understanding and practice of authority is vital in the life of every believer, and yet, often overlooked in teaching and day to day living in modern Christian life.
Satan loves this.
Why?
Because when we disregard or do not know how to exercise our authority, we are at the mercy of his.
Satan’s authority has already been overthrown and overcome by Jesus - and that same victorious reality has now been given unto us to wield in the spirit realm.
Remember the inheritance directly tied to our identity?
This is part of his promise for us in our blood-bought identity.
We have been made new in Christ, and have been given the authority he has.
Our authority has the ability to overcome every power and dominion of the dark one.
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19
Satan knows this. But do you?
He plays on the ignorance of the believer who does not recognize the reality of authority, and relishes in the churches and ministries who do not teach on the subject.
Let’s think about it in war terms.
Imagine a battlefield scattered with millions of soldiers fighting.
The war is being waged over who will have ultimate authority - one kingdom will win the ultimate authority, or law, over everything in the seen and unseen realms.
The two leaders of these armies have come face to face and are battling it out for the ultimate defeat.
This battle between the two leaders ultimately determines the outcome of the war simply because they hold the most power and authority; therefore whoever wins between the two of them, wins all power and ultimate authority.
Through a brutal fight, one leader, King Jesus, defeats the other, Lucifer.
It is finished.
Yet, there are millions of soldiers still scattered and fighting for Lucifer on the battlefield.
Likewise, there are millions of soldiers living and dying on the battlefield for Christ.
Word begins to spread to the soldiers that the ultimate battle was waged, and won by King Jesus.
But not every soldier of Jesus’ has heard the full news, or understood the implication of it. Some know that the war was won, but have not learned what was won.
Lucifer commands his soldiers (demons) to continue waging war on the basis of their ignorance - if they do not know what they have won, Jesus’ soldiers will still be at the mercy of the pain the dark forces inflict.
This is what is happening every day in the spirit realm.
There are believers who have surrendered their life to Christ, but have no understanding of the authority given unto them, or have not learned to exercise it over the power of the enemy.
Because of this, Satan continues to torment and torture them with his tactics such as fear, anxiety, addiction, lust, strife, confusion, etc.
So here is my plea to you- do not be ignorant of your spiritual authority any longer.
It is vital to your life as a believer, and particularly important in your process of spiritual delivery.
Where there is destiny, where there is promise, where God wants to birth something through you- there is opposition, trial, fear, and pushback.
It is naive to believe you will not encounter this.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
Some of the most intense spiritual attacks of my life have come during the process of birthing something new that God has ordained for me to do.
Satan does all he can to steal, kill, and destroy what God has appointed for me to do- and the many lives and destinies that will be impacted by it.
Without exercising my authority, I would be at the mercy of his attempts to abort my mission in family, writing, mentoring, evangelism, and prophecy.
Without exercising my authority, you would not be reading this.
Authority is how we practically and supernaturally wage war effectively to keep moving in our God-given mandate.
First, recognize the reality of what has been won for you-
For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.
2 Colossians 2:9-10
And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. 2 Colossians 2:15
Second, learn to exercise your authority in prayer, fasting, and declaring the word of God as your “sword of the spirit.” The word of God, in all truth and authority, is a weapon you must learn to wield in your daily life.
Read Ephesians 6:10-18 as a lesson in spiritual warfare and exercising authority.
Lastly, ask God to give you full understanding around this topic of authority, and bring circumstances in your life to exercise your authority.
The more you exercise your authority, the more of a reality it will become to you.
Some of the most intense times of spiritual warfare I have experienced, God used, as a training ground for me to truly understand and walk in my authority.
I pray that you walk in the authority granted unto you so that you may push past all opposition and press forward into what God has for you.
Many scriptures have been written, sermons have been preached, and many authors have written on the topic of faith.
I do not propose to bring anything new to the table about faith, because it remains what the Bible describes it as: the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen. Hebrews 11:1
This is what I feel led to share on this topic, within this larger topic of supernatural delivery- that faith is not just a feeling and it is not something we can muster up all by ourselves.
I was speaking to a group of women recently and felt led to encourage them to pray for more faith.
The next week, one of the women told me that she had been doing just that, because she forgot that is something she can actually do.
Why did she forget she was able to pray for more faith?
Because she believed it was something she had to come up with all on her own- as if God was expecting her to create a supernatural reality in her own strength.
We have all done this at some point.
We forget, so easily, that our ability to believe not only in God himself, but in the many facets of the Kingdom of God and the many promises that go along with that, does not come from somewhere deep within us as human beings.
Our faith comes from God alone.
You did not even enter the Kingdom of God with faith of your own merit- God had to reveal it unto you, and give you that faith.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9
Faith is something that I have lived out since the day of my salvation.
Yet, greater levels of faith have been required in different seasons of my journey.
When I was knocking on death’s door and waiting for God to fulfill the promise of healing He had spoken over me, I was introduced to a different facet of my faith.
When I was laying down my former business to pick up the prophetic mantle God had placed on my life, I was moving in a new form of faith.
When I was breaking up with the man I thought I was going to marry simply because God told me to, I was moving in a new form of faith.
When I was waiting for God to provide a car when I did not have one (or any money for one), I was moving in a new form of faith.
When I was beginning to pray over others’ for healing in their body and believe God would heal them, I was moving in a new form of faith.
Each time I listen to the inner witness speaking to me about what I should write, here, on Fire & Wind, I am moving in a new facet of faith.
All of these seasons and experiences have built my faith.
Those are some of the monumental moments that have shaped my faith, or confident trust, in God.
A consistent faith, that is given as a measure unto me in following Jesus every day of my life, is the steady undercurrent to each new level of faith I enter into.
My point is this: a baseline faith is what enables us to follow Christ, but embodying deeper faith does often come in intervals and increases throughout our journey with him.
Glory to glory baby.
Why?
Because we are building trust with God, and in turn, learn His faithfulness.
As we increase in our trust of Him, He increases our ability to trust Him in more substantial ways.
This is part of maturity.
When you are in a season of process, or building, or maturing… you will find a deeper invitation to faith. A deeper invitation to trust. A deeper invitation to surrender.
Scripture says that as believers we walk by faith, not by sight.
This past year of my life, that truth hit more deeply and resonated more strongly than ever before.
I have had a measure of faith that has brought me into the Kingdom of God and built my trust with God - but He has stretched and refined my faith in fresh ways this past year.
As he called me into my role as a prophet, I have had to trust him with much more than in previous seasons.
Most of what I see, hear, and encounter with the Lord are things that are completely unseen to others.
There are times when no one around me understands what it is God is revealing to me, and God has asked me “who will you believe? Who leads your discernment and understanding- me or man?”
He has been teaching me to ride without training wheels on my bike anymore.
Walking by faith is active.
When we walk in the natural we have to be able to see with our eyes, or we will trip and fall.
Yet, in the Kingdom of God, it is the opposite.
We are meant to walk by faith, and not by sight.
Remember that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.
Oh, how deeply we want our every action to be affirmed by what we can see.
I know that I have.
I want the “confidence” of my natural sight.
I want the “affirmation” of others’ opinions.
I want the “security” of all the answers.
But God has asked me to trust the spiritual sight He has given me, more than the natural sight!
He has given me the ability to confidently trust Him, more than the limited information I see in front of me.
How profoundly difficult that is as we grow in our faith.
Yet, just like the small baby growing within me, we must know what we carry, even when we cannot see it with our eyes.
The first few months of my pregnancy it felt so foreign that there was a baby within me, even though I knew it was true. My body was rapidly changing, I was incredibly sick and emotional, and I was experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare over the new life within me.
I experienced all the symptoms of something significant happening within me, but I could not see or feel the baby yet, at all.
I waited, waited, waited to feel his first movements.
Nothing.
I waited, waited, waited for a bump.
Nothing except some bloat.
How does something so transformational take so long to manifest itself in a more tangible reality?! I would wonder.
Then, in worship, the Lord spoke to me about the process I was enduring.
He reminded me of when I was able to hear the baby’s heartbeat at my midwife appointment. Hearing that heartbeat brought a rush of assurance and joy.
THERE it is. The baby IS there- in me, with me, connected to me. It is unfolding and growing within me; a divine mystery.
I then heard the Holy Spirit say: “Carrying this baby feels like the experience of faith — you believe it, you know it, you are certain of its existence… and yet you may not feel it move or see it face to face yet.”
I began to think of the hidden ways we carry faith as believers.
We believe, even though we do not see.
We align our lives to something as if it is real, even if we do not see anything different.
And then the Holy Spirit said to me “but when I show you the heartbeat of your faith, when you get to see me and the rhythms of my movement in your life, you are encouraged- just like you felt when hearing the heartbeat of your baby.”
This is true.
The Lord is kind to affirm, encourage, and confirm all that He has asked me to have faith for - it just takes some waiting.
Waiting, like I did, to feel my child move within me.
Then, on a cold October night at 2 AM, I woke up. I lay there, wondering why I felt so awake at this moment.
I felt it. Three, innocent little punches against my belly.
I could hardly believe it.
For the first time, I felt my baby move within me and the joy of the Lord consumed me. A beautiful reward of my faith.
The reality we must reconcile is this: Just because you can not see it or feel it, does not mean that your faith is not birthing something.
Be encouraged, for you will hear the heartbeat and feel the kick, in due time.
And your faith will be rewarded here into eternity.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
Identity, authority, faith.
You, dear reader, are equipped with all that you need, in Christ, to supernaturally birth whatever it may be that is transpiring within you.
Do not listen to the voice of the naysayers.
Do not listen to the weakness of your flesh.
Do not be discouraged by the lack of what you can see in the natural.
Do not grow weary or faint.
Rather, listen to the voice of your Father affirming, encouraging, and empowering you to move forward in victory.
You have all that you need within Jesus.
The most beautiful part of bringing something to birth with him, is that in the process, you get to discover the riches of his glory through the supernatural experience of being empowered by him.
It will often feel hard, sticky, and arduous- but in that place is where you will find the depth of his great power and love for you to accomplish all things through him.