It is okay to grieve, to lament, to cry. It is okay that once you have stopped you might start again. Grief can come in waves. Pain can ripple like rocks on the surface of a lake. Suddenly, stillness. Until another pebble hits and the ripples appear again. Resist the urge to dwell there and make it your habitation. Remember to lift up a praise, even a weak one. A broken hallelujah is a pertinent thing in the midst of a broken heart.
You will not feel like praying. Pray anyway. You will not feel like reading scripture. Do it anyway. You will not want to do dishes or walk the dog or show up for the daily life tasks that take so much more effort when you are dragging your feet through the mud. Do it anyway. Not fast or rushed or hurried. Not for productivity's sake. For simplicity, for sanity, for routines that ground and guide the day. Be anchored by the normalcy of an everyday life that needs your effort in some way.
Rest. Rest. Rest again. Return to rest. It is okay that you will sleep more, or desire to. It is okay to nap often and sleep later in the morning. It is okay. The daily tasks are important but the timelines are not. Take your time. Go slow. Rest your mind, your body, your soul. Rest does not break you, it mends you. Say to your soul “be still and know… He is God.”
Do not panic. Remember you have a high priest who prays for you. You have a living hope that wages war for you. You have the blood of Jesus that gives you victory. You have freedom of the spirit, soul, and mind. You are not bound by your grief, your pain, your fears of what lies ahead. You are untethered, though not unaffected. There is a difference- remember that.
Don’t listen. Don’t listen to the naysayers in your head so diligently trying to get you to quit, to move on, to throw in the towel on your faith. Lift your head and let your weariness be strengthened for the Lord renews those who wait upon him.
Waiting is hard. Pain is hard. Traveling through is the only way. It is okay to have questions, to have fears, to have frustrations. It is okay to walk it out in anger some days. It is okay.
It’s possible you have a thousand questions with no answers. Just remember Jesus is the answer, and the practical things you are wondering about will work themselves out under his guiding and loving hand.
Pray for a sound mind. Pray for a sound heart. Pray for a faith that does not fail.
Self-compassion is key. You have the grace of God, but are you activating it in your life? “Do I deserve it?” You might wonder. No, you do not. No one does. Grace is a gift. A glorious gift you should not leave unopened at this time. Dive right into it and be kind to yourself. Grace is for you and for me, and we must begin by receiving it in the hardest times and toughest spots.
Be practical and don’t stop dreaming. Squashing desires doesn’t help anyone. Silencing your dreams inside doesn’t make you less susceptible to feeling more pain, it actually ensures that you continue to. You need hope, and dreams, and desires. These are not bad things. Don’t discard them as a silent act of surrender to a life you dread to live. Don’t do it. You can set them to the side but don’t discard them altogether.
You should absolutely spend your last ten dollars of the week on a hot cup of coffee and a delicious doughnut. You should definitely watch the movies that make you smile or buy yourself a new pair of sweatpants. You should do the things that you need to indulge yourself in some happiness. You deserve that. You deserve to do what makes you happy in the middle of what feels very, very hard.
Don’t isolate. The temptation is real, the invitation is enticing. Don’t do it. Just let one, even one person, into the hurt. Don’t be disappointed when they don’t know what to say. Just bring it to them to let it go and let them know- I’m breaking. I’m sad. I’m in need of prayer. Let them see you. It won’t always feel great. It will feel vulnerable and quite tender, but it will be necessary. Let them see you.
Don’t fear what is next. For who can add a single hour to their life by worrying? Focus on today. Focus on what’s in front of you. Focus on the task at hand and the day you have.
It is okay to want to be distracted by good food or good music or fun things. It doesn’t make you weak or bad to not want to endure the pain. It is okay to want to get away from it. Some days you will need distraction, but other days, you will need to lean in and let love pull you in close, so you can face it for what it is.
It is okay to not have a silver lining for every problem you face right now. It is okay to not have a “lesson.” It is okay to feel abandoned and afraid, although that is not the truth - just a lie that fear will speak to. It is okay to not want to be happy in the middle of it or find joy just yet. You will someday. Let the pain breathe before you box it in with lessons learned and triumphs found.
It may seem as if all you can see is dead spindly trees on a cold, barren landscape before you. But as you drive along, moving forward forward forward, the landscape blurring together in hues of grey and shades of black, you will at once see the warmth of a sun that is rising just beyond that bleak and desolate place: glowing and growing into a beacon of hope that says to you, “here I am, rising again. Will you greet me today?” Heed the call to hope, to beauty, to perseverance so that it may complete its good work in you.
Most of all, do not forget that this world is not your home, and neither is this pain.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9