I was afraid of the questions lurking within me
I was afraid of who I could become if I let them roam free
The whispers in my ear convinced me to keep my shame in the dark
Keep the siren song of discovery buried deep beneath all recognition
I was afraid of who I might be
So I settled for surface level and stuffing it all down deep
Little did I know it was going to seep
Seep out through my relationships and longings and late nights getting high
Pain never just disappears
Questions don’t die
You don’t become who you are without uncovering what’s beneath
In the dark corners and shadows of my soul were many questions- about myself and the world and God himself
Did he hate me
Did he see me
Does he know me
Scarier still, was that he might expose me
He might hate me
He might condemn me
So I tried to beat the questions into submission
Subdue the siren song of discovery
Dampen any desire to be free
I’ll just pretend this is me
But you can never be healed if you don’t uncover what’s beneath
He found me
He found me
He found me
Affirmed me
Loved me
In spite of myself
Saw me in love, when I saw me in hate
It brought a headlamp to my journey through the cavernous aches of my soul
I could see clearly how to face him and face me
I found out I condemned myself in a way that he never had
I was scared of what he beckoned to bring into the light
I was in the dark when he desired to teach me to live in the light
How did I find me?
By searching the deep dark cavern when he enabled me
His perfect love was the launching pad to dive into the mystery
I didn’t know what I might find, only that he would catch me
The deeper I traveled, I found each pathway to be a connecting web
That always led back to him
The way, the truth, the life
The perfect love that saw me, before I saw me
That affirmed me, when I had no ability
The tender touch that taught me what it really meant to be free
The cavern of my soul was a journey that unearthed my destiny