I suppose I’ve always seen the rainy side of things.
I recently read a quote from one of my favorite authors where he unashamedly admitted he did not have “the gift of positivity.” He explained that positivity never came easily to him- he often finds himself on the pessimistic side before the sunny side.
It sort of shocked me when I felt that confession hit me in my core.
I, too, find myself looking at the rain before I look for the sun.
This perception I garner has always been there I suppose.
I have often marveled at those who see the best in all things, smile in every circumstance, and always find the silver lining.
That takes work for me, through the Spirit of God.
It does not come naturally.
I live with hope in one hand, and heaviness in the other.
I see the weight of the world at present, and I see the glorious beauty within.
I feel deeply, I see deeply.
That did not go away when redemption came.
The difference now, after then, was that I have hope that keeps me afloat.
Thank God for that Living Hope.
I do not walk around with negativity overwhelming my thoughts or a black cloud that follows my experiences.
I just recognize my propensity to see the flaws, the mishaps, the pain, the brokenness, the evil, the guilt, the shame… the rain.
I grapple, often, with being an artist, a mentor, a writer.
A teacher at times, a learner most others.
An artist simply expresses; a teacher has a conclusion.
I am more comfortable with expression, less excited about conclusions.
My artist eye, my writer’s bent, my sensitive heart has a way of seeing the gold and the grime all at once.
I cannot turn it off, or wipe it away. It is how I was created.
Maybe the world thinks that a blessed woman, a woman of God, should radiate with positivity and seek to always be happy.
That is not the path I have walked with my Jesus.
But I have found and I have seen that with my propensity to see the rain, I tend to be completely consumed with the rainbow.
It almost seems as if it is because the dark sky overwhelms my senses and hits my soul, that the rainbow is a welcome reprieve to my weary eyes, and wakes something inside of me:
Eternity.
Beauty, unhindered.
Color, in vibrancy.
Joy, unspeakable.
Ah yes, the glimpses of glory that mirror the heaviness I see.
I’ve come to accept that this is part of who I am, an integral piece of what has formed my sight and senses, a reality God has turned for His good and glory.
Yes, I can see the dark, I notice it quickly- but I am enthralled by the light because of its contrast and beauty.
Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return and come with singing unto Zion, and everlasting joy shall be upon their head. They shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and mourning shall flee away. Isaiah 51:11